


Take my Hand

by scully_mulder_stories



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Funeral, Lost Love, Pain, Plot Twists, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 06:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scully_mulder_stories/pseuds/scully_mulder_stories
Summary: This is going to be the the worst day in Mulder's lifetime and he isn't ready for it at all. Nobody can ever be ready for something like this...all he is praying for is to have her at his side again...





	1. Are you ready?

"Fox, are you ready?"  
  
The tone of a quiet female voice tore him out of his thoughts in which he was caught since hours.  
  
Mulder couldn't even say for how long he was sitting on the sofa, staring at his hands. He didn't really notice everything around him. The only thing he was paying attention to, was the phone in his hands. Everything he wanted was to hear this phone ring, to hear the familiar soft voice at the other end saying everything was fine.  
  
But it wouldn't ring. And the familiar voice wouldn't talk to him. It didn't made any sense to wait for something that will never happen.  
  
And no, he wasn't ready and she knew that. Nobody can ever be ready for something like that. Never.  
And he knew that she wasn't ready either.  
  
He felt how she sat down next to him, taking his hands in his. "We have to go now, Fox", her voice broke and she swallowed.  
  
Without looking up, he nodded. He knew that he wouldn't stand the pain in her eyes if he would look up to her.  
  
"You know, you didn't had to come to pick me up. I could have gone alone and we wold have seen each other there", he answered quietly, still looking down.  
  
She sighed and Mulder could hear the tremble in her voice. "I know, but I thought you shouldn't be alone." It was just a whisper, because the tears overwhelmed her.  
  
Mulder couldn't manage it to hear the pain laying in her voice, so how should he be able to look into her face...and to feel guilty for all the suffering in it.  
  
He felt how his eyes filled with tears as well and was a bit surprised about that because he didn't expect that he could cry again, after he had lost so many tears the last days. He felt so empty and alone.  
  
As he felt how she pressed his hands tightly, he nodded again and after taking a deep breath, he finally managed to get up and walk to the door with her.  
  
Before he shut the door behind them, he looked a last time to the phone laying on the table.  
No, he wasn't ready at all.

They had to drive about 20 minutes till they would arrive...till they would arrive at the place, they didn't want to be.  
  
She had insisted on driving the car, even if she felt like Mulder, desperately sad and devastated. Mulder stared outside the window the whole time, trying to think about everything and nothing.  
  
It was october, autumn.  
  
The leaves of the trees were playing a game with the last sunbeams of the year. Everything shined red and gold above them, but actually it was only the beginning of coldness and loneliness.  
The colourful trees would become more and more empty with the time, until the naked tree trunks would stand there alone, completely surrendered to the wind and the cold.  
  
Mulder swallowed. He could feel the coldness and loneliness already deep inside him because they were a part of him now.  
  
He looked to her and saw how she fought with her tears. Yes, she was as strong as her daughter but not today. And today it was completely okay not be strong.  
  
"Let me drive", Mulder said.  
  
She just nodded and stopped the car at the side of the street, rested her head on the wheel and cried unrestrained, while Mulder stroked her back, trying to calm her down.  
  
After they swapped places, Mulder drove the last 15 minutes. They didn't speak which was okay, because they didn't know what to say.  
  
"Thank you", said Mulder after a while.  
  
"For what?", she sobbed.  
  
Mulder swallowed. "Thank you for not letting me alone the last days, Margaret", he finally answered as he found his voice again.  
  
"You don't have to thank me for that. I'm sure Dana would not have wanted that you're alone now."  
  
She took a deep breath, trying to control her tears and gave Mulder a sad smile.  
  
Dana...  
  
Hearing her name was like a stab in his heart. A stab in his bleeding, incomplete heart.


	2. Dressed in black

After they drove the rest of the way in complete silence, they finally arrived.  
  
"I just wish the whole family would be here", Margaret said while walking next to Mulder along the path.  
  
Mulder agreed. He knew what she was talking about. Her husband had died years ago, her daughter Melissa as well and she didn't have any contact to her youngest son Charlie. The only family member who would be there was her oldest son Bill, together with his wife. Mulder could feel Margaret's longing. His parents and sister are dead as well.  
  
They were still walking along the path which guides into a park. The cold wind guided them and seemed to remember them that this day wasn't supposed to be warm and comfortable.  
  
The whole time, Margaret was holding Mulder's hand to give him support and to get some strength from him. With taking a last deep breath, they went to the few black dressed people standing already there together.  
  
Margaret walked to Bill who took her in her arms while Mulder stopped and stared at the coffin.  
  
He just couldn't believe it.  
  
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around. It was Skinner. His face was petrified. Sadness was it's only expression. Monica walked to Mulder, took him into her arms and sobbed on his shoulder. Doggett was standing behind her, looking down to the ground.  
  
Nobody else was there. Just these few people, just the closest circle of family and friends.  
  
The pastor, a friend of the family, was standing next to the gravestone, opened a book and started the ceremony but Mulder didn't listen.  
  
He just couldn't listen. All of this felt so unreal.  
  
The wind carried the spoken words away and with them also the sobs and tears from all the people standing there.  
  
As the coffin was lowered into the ground and Margaret started throwing a handful of earth on it, Mulder finally realised that it was really happening.  
  
He suppressed a sob, picked a flower from the bouquet laying next to the stone, kissed it and let it fall down on the coffin.  
  
With tears in his eyes he looked to the gravestone again to read the inscription.

 _Dana Katherine Scully_  
_Beloved daughter, sister, friend and partner_  
_We will see each other again_

After the funeral came to an end, Mulder had finally cried out all the tears he owned. Monica had rested her head at Doggett's chest and cried while he had wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. Skinner was standing next to Mulder, staring at the gravestone as well.

Margaret went to Mulder and asked him if he wanted to take her car because Bill offered her to come home with them.  
  
"If you don't mind, I'd like to walk back home. I just...need some time for breathing", he said quietly.  
  
Margaret nodded and hugged him. "Thank you, for always taking care of my daughter", she whispered, tearing up again.  
  
Mulder swallowed. "But I failed."  
  
He felt how Margaret kissed his forehead, just as Scully always used to do it.  
  
"Fox listen to me, it's not your fault. Nobody was there as it happened."  
  
"But I should have been there. I should have went with her," his voice broke again.  
  
Margaret shook her head, stroking his cheek.. "Don't give yourself the blame for it. That's not right. We all know that it isn't right."  
  
Mulder nodded. He knew that she was saying the truth but deep inside he couldn't let these guilt feelings go.  
  
Skinner offered to drive Margarets car back to her home while she went with Bill and his wife.  
  
"Mulder, if you need something...if you need someone to talk...then please call, okay?", said Monica and took his hands.  
  
Her cheeks and eyes were wet from her tears and it was hard to look at her. With a last hug she and Doggett said goodbye to him and went as well.  
  
Now Mulder and Skinner were alone.  
  
"You don't have to stay here with me, Sir."  
  
Mulder still stared at the beautiful written name at the gravestone, feeling his tears dropping down.  
  
"I'm sure Scully would have wanted that you get this here", Skinner said and handed him the golden necklace.  
  
Without saying anything, Mulder took it and stroked with his thumb over the golden little cross.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
With a last comforting pat on his shoulder, Skinner went and Mulder was standing alone there, not holding back his tears anymore.  
  
So much had happened. They've been through so many good and bad times and now his partner, his best friend...the woman he secretly loved...was dead because of a silly car accident.


	3. She was gone

For a long while, Mulder was just standing there in front of the grave. He wasn't able to move, he was barely able to breath. Even as it started to rain, he didn't care.  
  
She wasn't there anymore. She was gone. Forever.  
  
Mulder thoughts drifted away to the last days...He and Scully were working on a case. A woman was found murdered and branded with a symbol on her forehead. Soon they had found some more bodies. All female, all with the same symbol.

It was clear that they were looking for a serial killer and had to follow all the tracks they found. Mulder didn't know anymore, why they decided to follow different tracks but Skinner and Scully had went to New York then, to investigate some people over there.

Mulder stayed in Washington and had soon found a letter from the serial killer in which was written that Scully would be the next one. The next victim.  
  
He immediately had called Skinner to tell him. He wanted Scully to be safe and was ready to come to New York as well but Skinner said he should stay in Washington and keep working there. So they could find the killer as soon as possible and Mulder had agreed on that. Of course it was more logical to stay here and to do everything to find the murderer.  
  
A few days later, Mulder had found some more threats against Scully and also Skinner called him to tell that he had found a letter as well. The serial killer seemed to be highly obsessed by Scully and Skinner promised he would take care of her while they were still in New York.  
  
One day later he got the call. The call which had changed his life.  
  
Skinner has been at the other end of the line again, his voice sounded painful. He had explained that they were talking to some people as Scully suddenly started to feel unwell. He had given her the car keys to drive back to the hotel which was only 5 minutes away. As the car had disappeared behind the corner, he suddenly heard a loud bang and started running. All he saw was the turned over, burning car.  
  
_"Scully is dead."_  
  
In this moment, Mulder's world seemed to collapse. He remembered how he was standing in this office, shocked by the words he just heard. Then he started crying, crying because he wasn't there to protect her.

Mulder finally started his way home now. The rain was falling down on his face but he didn't care. All he saw was Scully's face in front of him and he wished it wouldn't just be a vision in his head.  
  
The next day Mulder was on the way to his office and waited for the elevator as Skinner suddenly stood next to him.  
  
"Mulder, would you come with to my office please?", he asked.  
  
Mulder sighed. "Well, actually I wanted to go down in my little comfortable basement office and sort some files."  
  
He wasn't in the mood for talking to anybody, he just wanted to be alone but after he saw Skinners face he agreed on going with him.  
  
He knew that Skinner actually offered him to stay home for some days after Scully's death but Mulder didn't want. Here at work he had at least something to do.  
  
They finally arrived in Skinner's office and he closed the door behind them. Mulder stayed standing in the middle of the room while Skinner leaned against his desk.  
  
"We finally have him", Skinner said.  
  
"Whom?"  
  
"The serial killer."  
  
Mulder looked down. He didn't know what to say. If they would have caught him earlier, Scully and Skinner would have returned earlier from New York and that car crash would never happened. If this badass would have been caught earlier, then Scully might be still alive.  
  
He fought with his tears again.  
"How?" was the only thing he could say.  
  
Skinner sighed. "He had shown himself at Scully's grave tonight. We already thought that he maybe would come there because of his obsession with her. So some of our men were watching out for him."  
  
Mulder nodded. He couldn't stand the fact that Scully had to die for finally catching this killer. It was good that this murderer was arrested now but that wouldn't bring his beloved Scully back.  
  
Without another word he went out of the room and made his way to his own office. He found the door unlocked which was confusing because he knew that he had locked it the last time.  
  
Carefully he opened the door and went in. And what he saw made him gasp for air.


	4. Scully?

Mulder couldn't believe his eyes.

"Scully?"

He shook his head and felt how his eyes filled with tears again. Was that true? Did he really saw what he thought? Could this even be true? Or was he about to go crazy and his mind played him a trick?

Slowly he walked towards his desk, not taking his eyes of who is leaning against it. And he saw this smile. This sad smile and the eyes which seemed to ask for forgiveness. He looked into the face he loved.

Mulder didn't dare to touch her. He was afraid that she would disappear and everything reveals as a dream.

She stepped closer to him, didn't dare to say something either. As she stood so close to him he saw scratches in her face, a bandage around her arm and a big bruise covering her neck.

Worried he looked at her but she just shook her head to signify that everything was okay. Then she placed her hand at his cheek to wipe away the tears he couldn't stop from falling down.

Mulder lifted his hand to stroke over her head. He felt her soft hair in his palm, the warmth of her cheek.

She was alive.

"How...Why?" His voice was only a whisper, his eyes looked straight into hers. He was afraid that she would be gone if he broke the eye contact.

She still stroked his cheek with her thumb while trying to answer.

"I'm so sorry, Mulder. I...I wanted to tell you, but we weren't sure if the plan would work...the killer could have noticed that it isn't true if...if you would have known it."

The pain laying in her voice made his heart suffering even more.

He took her hands down, his lips were trembling as he spoke. "I saw your grave...I buried you", he sobbed.

Scully wanted to respond something but Mulder continued. "I was alone...the last time you were in New York. Then Skinner called me...you were dead...I was alone."

For a moment he closed his eyes and Scully wrapped his arms around him to pull him into a hug. He buried his face into her shoulder and she felt, how he cried.

She could understand him, she cried the last days as well, knowing that everyone she loved thought she would be dead.

They were just standing like this for a few minutes. Words weren't necessary even though Mulder had a couple of questions in his mind but the most important thing was that Scully was here...  
with him...  
alive.

She leaned back to take his face between her hands.

"I'm so sorry...please don't cry anymore", she whispered, comforting him with her soft voice but in her eyes he could see tears as well.

Mulder suppressed a last sob and tried to breathe, he couldn't take his eyes of her, still afraid of suddenly waking up from a daydream.

"Do you want me to drive you home? I'm sure Skinner allows it and then we can talk about it all...", started Scully but Mulder interrupted her.

With a slight smile he said: "Oh yes, Skinner owes me some answers. How did he dare not to tell me? I mean..."

Then he stopped.

Of course he understood that Skinner couldn't tell him. It had to look real, the killer they were looking for was supposed to be thinking that Scully was dead. And Mulder thought it, too.

"Did your family knew...?", he asked then.

Scully shook her head and Mulder could see that this was the most heartbreaking part of it all, to let her family believe she was dead.

She swallowed hard. "I went to my mom this morning. I wanted to explain it to her...we just sat there and cried. She...she said that she'd understand why we had to do this but...I could see in her eyes how much she suffered. I've never seen her like that before...I'll never forget her face as she opened the door...how she looked at me."

Her voice got lost in the silence between them and she sobbed.

Mulder took her hands. "I guess it's my turn now to say that I drive you home."

"No Mulder, I'm fine. I can drive..."

"No, I'll drive." Still holding her hand, they went out of the office and locked it behind them.

As they were sitting in the car a few minutes later, Scully felt cold and tired. She wrapped her arms around herself to get warm but Mulder noticed it and gave her his jacket which she gratefully lay around herself like a blanket.

"Mulder? Can we drive to you? I don't think I'll feel comfortable tonight in my apartment.

"Sure, we'll be there in a few minutes", he replied and started the car.

It was almost midday as they finally arrived at Mulder's apartment, so he ordered a pizza and after they ate without talking much, they relaxed on the sofa.

Mulder and Scully have been sitting so often on his sofa, talking about quite everything but never before had Scully felt so guilty like in that moment.

"Listen Mulder, I'm so sorry. I..."

"You don't have to be sorry. I understand it, it was a plan to catch a murderer. Don't apologise for it", he interrupted her again and tried to smile a bit.

Scully sighed. "I know, but as I developed the plan with Skinner I actually wanted to let you know that...that I'm not dead. But he thought it had to look real because we didn't know if the murderer would find out."

She looked up to Mulder, worries were clear to see in her eyes. Mulder just nodded and took her hand as he suddenly noticed her injuries again.

"But I guess the car crash was real?", he asked worried.

"Yes it was, but luckily I wasn't in the car anymore as it started to burn."

She looked at him but gasp for air because of pain as she moved her head. Mulder stroked her hair to the side and looked at the bruise at her neck again. It didn't look good and was still quite warm.

He stood up, went to the bathroom and came back with a cold wet towel which he carefully placed on her neck. Scully closed her eyes and was grateful for the cooling effect of the towel.

"Thank you", she whispered and could relax again.

She rested her head on his shoulder, enjoying his company.

"But the next time you'll let me know, that you're alive, right?", he joked.

Scully smiled and answered there won't be a next time because she didn't want to see the people she loved suffering again.

Mulder agreed. "You know, I felt like I couldn't live with the fact that you're dead. I thought I wouldn't make it, Scully."

She pressed his hand tightly, trying to comfort him.

"Mulder, you forgot something."

"What do you mean?", he asked a bit confused.

She looked in his eyes again, suppressing a smile. "You forgot that I'm immortal."

**Author's Note:**

> The End. I hope you liked it:)


End file.
